Point of View : At Home Mum
At-home-parents around the world, though saddened by this pandemic, must deep down feel a sigh of relief that maybe NOW people may have a glimpse of their life and understand what it's like to work out of the house on a daily basis. To not be able to really leave your workspace. To not have your hours set of a 9am-5pm schedule, but rather on a "it's done when it's done" schedule. All the while, taking care of a child.
I myself dread the seemingly benign, but leading question, "What do you do?". Considering we live in an overall culture that values money over anything else, the implication that someone does not make monetary units must equal that they have no value or worth. There are a few answers an at-home-parent can give to this question to satisfy : 1. Meekly say "at home parent", 2. Try to discuss ways you have been educated and your hobbies (you know, because a job does not define the person you are) and then drop the "at-home-parent" bomb, or 3. Just say "not much" to satisfy the preconceived notion that at-home-parents sit at home all day watching soap operas and eating bonbons.
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| Me trying to explain what I "do" |
All these responses will elicit the "stare past or through you" face, a contemplative nod, and then a quick, and unconvincing "Well, that's the most important job, huh?" followed by a quick change in subject. The other possible response is, "Oh! So what do you do?". You can almost see the "does-not-compute" wheels working. People are so used to identifying themselves with their job, that not having a paying job means you don't have an identity. So then we MUST PROVE to them what our identity is, by using terms that they feel are valuable to society. Things like, "I volunteer here", or "I'm working on my master's degree". Only then will they be satisfied that at-home-parents are indeed worthy to live another day.
However, there was an immediate reaction from people in the online community that I saw when Ireland started taking precautionary measures against the pandemic.
Thursday, 12 March, 2020 6PM : nationwide school closures, many community areas shut down, no mass gatherings, etc. Self-quarantine initiated.
Friday, 13 March, 2020 7AM : bleep, bleep, bleep. A steady stream of continuous notifications through WhatsApp groups and facebook groups wake me up and flood my phone. People saying things like "I'm so bored, what will I do?!", or "What will we do with the kids!", or "Here is an article with lists of how to keep busy in this time of crisis!", and "Thank god for wine!".
Not 13 hours after the announcement, and people were already panicking. As well, it seemed clear to me, that if people don't know what to do with themselves for even 13 hours (most of which they were sleeping), or that just the thought of staying at home with the child is reprehensible torture filled with extreme boredom, that this is the true reflection of what people think of when they think "At-home-parent". They were panicking because the thought of being an at-home-parent might make them worthless too; obviously there is nothing that you can do to escape boredom, and if you do, you're definitely just crafting up some elaborate masterpiece instead of doing something useful.
It's been over 2 weeks now, and I think people are finally getting an idea of what it means and feels like to be an at-home-parent. When you're at home and don't get to meet people in a workplace or common area, it's difficult to meet or stay in touch with friends. Typically, people don't invite at-home-parents to things because they aren't as active in the social circle. People typically don't offer to watch the kids because, as an at-home-parent, can't you take care of that? That's the reason you're at home, right? The thought that being around the child 24/7, day in and day out could be draining, doesn't occur to people. And though we may take care of a lot of house and gardening duties, we aren't all crafting away to pass away the wee hours. Most importantly, people definitely don't immediately offer you wine when they find out you're an at-home-parent.
Though it may seem like you have more time, there actually are things that need to be done to take care of a household. Now, personally, I actually do have more time now that we are in quarantine because I don't have all the travelling to and fro to pick things up. The cleaning has been shared more since there's more hands around, and since lots of things are shut down, the amount of logistics organization with appointments and events has slowed down. However, I now am homeschooling Neva. When I found out she would be out of school I created a schedule to efficiently integrate my daily work activities and her learning while giving us valuable time together. Homeschooling takes up the time from 9am - 2pm that I had to do other things before the restrictions. I'm grateful for Neva's teacher Cormac who is sending work in Irish language and helping keep the spirits up of the class, but it's our responsibility as parents to facilitate the learning during this time.
It's also April, so I still need to get seeds in the ground to plant vegetables as fresh veg is valuable to our family. I still need to re-stain the chicken coop, paint the kitchen, and do the other list of chores I already had and would have done had we not been in quarantine. I still have logistics to organize for trips that need rescheduling, replacement parts that need ordering, and research for bathroom appliances that need upgrading. Not to mention, the extra level of sanitation work and cleaning required living in a Covid-19 dystopian present; I wash my groceries now for Pete's sake!
It takes effort and discipline to be productive when you're at home. People complain about being bored, yet technically have 2x as much work to do if they too now have the responsibility of homeschooling their child. While many people are binge watching Netflix series, at-home-parents are doing what they've always done: stay productive and be the physical but silent machine that makes the household run smoothly. And that's not just the house and garden, the household includes making sure all members residing in it are happy and healthy. For us, that includes our small family, our dog Sammie, our 4 chickens, stick insects, and our indoor and outdoor plants.
I'm not trying to rant (though that did feel good), but rather to give a shout-out to all the at-home-parents out there that I see you, and as a plea to others to try and empathize and value the effort, blood, sweat, and tears that do go in to the choice of staying at home. And maybe, once we are allowed to see people again, next time someone says they're an at-home-parent, maybe instead of trying to change the subject or question their worth, just thank them for what they do and ask if they want a glass of wine.
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| When people are confused about "what you do" as an at-home-parent |
However, there was an immediate reaction from people in the online community that I saw when Ireland started taking precautionary measures against the pandemic.
Thursday, 12 March, 2020 6PM : nationwide school closures, many community areas shut down, no mass gatherings, etc. Self-quarantine initiated.
Friday, 13 March, 2020 7AM : bleep, bleep, bleep. A steady stream of continuous notifications through WhatsApp groups and facebook groups wake me up and flood my phone. People saying things like "I'm so bored, what will I do?!", or "What will we do with the kids!", or "Here is an article with lists of how to keep busy in this time of crisis!", and "Thank god for wine!".
Not 13 hours after the announcement, and people were already panicking. As well, it seemed clear to me, that if people don't know what to do with themselves for even 13 hours (most of which they were sleeping), or that just the thought of staying at home with the child is reprehensible torture filled with extreme boredom, that this is the true reflection of what people think of when they think "At-home-parent". They were panicking because the thought of being an at-home-parent might make them worthless too; obviously there is nothing that you can do to escape boredom, and if you do, you're definitely just crafting up some elaborate masterpiece instead of doing something useful.
It's been over 2 weeks now, and I think people are finally getting an idea of what it means and feels like to be an at-home-parent. When you're at home and don't get to meet people in a workplace or common area, it's difficult to meet or stay in touch with friends. Typically, people don't invite at-home-parents to things because they aren't as active in the social circle. People typically don't offer to watch the kids because, as an at-home-parent, can't you take care of that? That's the reason you're at home, right? The thought that being around the child 24/7, day in and day out could be draining, doesn't occur to people. And though we may take care of a lot of house and gardening duties, we aren't all crafting away to pass away the wee hours. Most importantly, people definitely don't immediately offer you wine when they find out you're an at-home-parent.
 |
| Working parents after they heard about self-imposed quarantine, and the thought of staying at home |
Though it may seem like you have more time, there actually are things that need to be done to take care of a household. Now, personally, I actually do have more time now that we are in quarantine because I don't have all the travelling to and fro to pick things up. The cleaning has been shared more since there's more hands around, and since lots of things are shut down, the amount of logistics organization with appointments and events has slowed down. However, I now am homeschooling Neva. When I found out she would be out of school I created a schedule to efficiently integrate my daily work activities and her learning while giving us valuable time together. Homeschooling takes up the time from 9am - 2pm that I had to do other things before the restrictions. I'm grateful for Neva's teacher Cormac who is sending work in Irish language and helping keep the spirits up of the class, but it's our responsibility as parents to facilitate the learning during this time.
It's also April, so I still need to get seeds in the ground to plant vegetables as fresh veg is valuable to our family. I still need to re-stain the chicken coop, paint the kitchen, and do the other list of chores I already had and would have done had we not been in quarantine. I still have logistics to organize for trips that need rescheduling, replacement parts that need ordering, and research for bathroom appliances that need upgrading. Not to mention, the extra level of sanitation work and cleaning required living in a Covid-19 dystopian present; I wash my groceries now for Pete's sake!
 |
| Neva working on a school assignment |
It takes effort and discipline to be productive when you're at home. People complain about being bored, yet technically have 2x as much work to do if they too now have the responsibility of homeschooling their child. While many people are binge watching Netflix series, at-home-parents are doing what they've always done: stay productive and be the physical but silent machine that makes the household run smoothly. And that's not just the house and garden, the household includes making sure all members residing in it are happy and healthy. For us, that includes our small family, our dog Sammie, our 4 chickens, stick insects, and our indoor and outdoor plants.
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| Front to back : flower garden, veggie garden, chooks area |
I'm not trying to rant (though that did feel good), but rather to give a shout-out to all the at-home-parents out there that I see you, and as a plea to others to try and empathize and value the effort, blood, sweat, and tears that do go in to the choice of staying at home. And maybe, once we are allowed to see people again, next time someone says they're an at-home-parent, maybe instead of trying to change the subject or question their worth, just thank them for what they do and ask if they want a glass of wine.
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